Man vs Purse: There can only be one winner…

Man vs purse (or handbag to my fellow Brits) is an age-old battle fought on many fronts and one that is known to have claimed many casualties… mostly men.

On chatting to Jennifer a fellow blogger, recently, this slightly strange topic was somehow conceived and it was put to me that perhaps man vs purse and its underlying themes should be the subject of a blog post. I really admire Jennifer for her out-of-leftfield and very entertaining, topics, but I never could quite get my head around conjouring one up for myself. So, not wanting to duck an interesting challenge and relishing the idea of writing something a little bit different, I set to work on thinking exactly what are the underling themes? What does man vs purse imply?

Then it struck me. As I said in the introduction, man vs purse is and age-old contest, and when one begins to look properly, underlying themes abound.

First of all, though, I want to make it perfectly clear that this is not a man vs woman post, no no no. I actually think  that men and women get on extremely well. We live together, dine together and go to the movies together. We even physiologically fit together so perfectly that we can make our own little men and women. No, man vs woman is not an issue. The real issue comes when we introduce certain other aspects into the equation. For example: man vs make-up, woman vs beer or man vs rom-com, woman vs football. Then we start to develop some underlying conflict… erm, I mean underlying themes.

So what about man vs purse then..?

Screen shot 2014-02-13 at 20.01.09Well, first we have the purely physical. In slapstick cinema (and real life too) there have been many instances where man has been the recipient of a swift and stunning purse attack to the back of the head; which in our common perception is usually delivered by a frail old lady. And in most cases, it’s the man who comes off worst.  Man: 0 Purse: 1

(There’s also this incident involving a man and a purse where, again, the man came of worst; but rightly so in this case).

Next comes the economic contest. A woman’s purse holds her credit cards and money. And who do you think wins in a contest between man and a girl’s credit cards? Exactly. Man: 0 Purse: 2

What about necessity? Does the female species really need us anymore? I think not. Biotechnology, IVF, Maggie Thatcher, DIY channels on youtube and sit-on lawn mowers have seen to that. But would they argue they need their purse? Yep. Man: 0 Purse: 3

Screen shot 2014-02-13 at 20.00.32And what happens when a woman looses her purse whilst in town? She’ll hunt frantically for it; retrace her steps; call everybody she knows; call people she doesn’t know; and then finally imagine it to be stolen by a thief. If, however, she looses her man in town, will she hunt high and low for him, imagining him to be stolen away? No. She’ll most probably head for home without him because it’s all his fault for wandering off in the first place. This is, of course, if she has her keys to the house; which she keeps where…? Oh yes.  Man: 0 Purse: 4

Lesbians own purses. Man: 0 Purse: 5

And finally, you don’t hear woman saying things like, “Oh my last purse was a complete waste of space,” or “I’m just not interested in purses at the moment.” Man: 0 Purse: 6

There we have it. The results are in and it’s a six-nil thrashing for man.

So I think it’s high-time I leave this debate and admit total defeat in the issue of man vs purse. I am, however, going to claim victory in the challenge of writing a blog post on that very subject.

Thanks for reading.

And thanks, Jennifer, for the inspiration.

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2 comments on “Man vs Purse: There can only be one winner…

  1. Oh my god – you wrote it. And it was superbly clever! I had no idea how “man vs purse” could be turned into a blog post, but you did it.

    And don’t forget, sometimes the purse is even asked to hold the man’s things. Another score for the purse.

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