To Tease is to Please?

Hello again, friends…

Okay, so I’m going to blatantly post some content on here now; but I do so with more than just the intention of getting people to read small passages from my novel: The Heroic Adventures of Horatio Lee.

I am actually trying to come up with a ‘teaser’ to put at the front of the book and have shortlisted two excerpts, but I’m not sure which one to use. The first comes near the end of the story and I like it because it’s full-on and says, ‘come and get it’, whereas the other is not quite so dramatic, but a touch more tense and fulfills the duty of ‘teaser’ better than the first, I feel.

I would love an opinion on what anyone thinks  Please use the comments box as your voting card (good or bad – all donations are kindly accepted). Thanks.

Teaser one…

…Almost as if on cue to tear Horatio from the horrific scene he’d just witnessed, another cheer went up from his crew. They bayed and hollered as the single remaining mast of the frigate République splintered and gave way in the most spectacular fashion. The French ship then too then limped out of formation, her starboard drive coughing blue and silver smoke.

Taking advantage of the brief respite this small victory had afforded the crew of Vendetta, Horatio climbed the steps to the poop deck behind him to take stock of all that was happening astern of his ship.

Having never witnessed a full-on engagement before, he was struck deeply by the morbid beauty of it all. Each of the ships involved in the clash had taken on a rough, dishevelled and almost romantic appearance as their torn solar sails twitched and flicked with each touch of neutron shot and gunsmoke streamed from their stern exhausts. For a second, Horatio forgot about the death and carnage that those energy spikes were wreaking all around him and he watched in awe as the exquisite blue-green lances of energy spewed out from the competing vessels, streaking toward their enemies and lighting that fatal space between the ships with a criss-cross lattice of superheated light. Every time a spike found its target and the smashed section burst in all directions, the scattered pieces of wreckage illuminated and almost sparkled in the reflected light as it bounced off the fragments of debris like a million fireflies.

It was just such a shard of wreckage, however, that brought Horatio painfully back to reality. A shot from the vanquished République, which although drifting away was still firing, smashed into the mizzenmast near where he was standing and sent an inch long, glowing-hot metal splinter straight into his left forearm. Thankfully, one of the gunners working nearby saw his wounded Commander and immediately ran to fetch a Surgeon’s Mate.

The blood-splattered woman who swiftly appeared was well equipped for on-the-move repair jobs. She took a surprisingly firm hold of Lieutenant Lee’s arm, produced a pair of bloody pliers from her belt, apologised briefly and then summarily pulled out the splinter and bandaged the wound. It hurt like he could never have imagined, but the injury wasn’t life threatening and so, as the woman moved on to the next victim, Lieutenant Lee resumed his duties…

***

Teaser two…

“Range, five leagues to target, sir.”

“Very good. Slow to point-zero-zero-eight Lps, set the mizzen topgallant, charge EETs to eighty six percent and wait for my command.”

EETs were the Emergency Escape Thrusters: two small, single-use ion drives mounted at the very stern of a warship. Their primary use was to accelerate the ship away from its opponent once the firing run was complete, just in case you should find yourself out-gunned – and thus avoid exposing the vulnerable stern of your vessel to the enemy’s cannon. The Royal Navy was the only force to fit this technology to its fleets, while other star nations – particularly the French – found them an expensive, weighty and, some may say, cowardly addition to a warship. Moreover, in the vast majority of cases EETs would not be employed and you would simply put your vessel alongside the enemy and the true battering would commence.

For Lieutenant Lee to have charged his EETs to a relatively high eighty six percent was of no consequence to anyone aboard Intrepid at the present time; except he wasn’t planning on using them to run. What he had in mind was to use their exceptional stab of power for something rather different.

“Range, three leagues.”

At a distance of three leagues the target could finally be seen with the naked eye. It was a sad-looking skeleton of a ship, obviously old and completely run-down, and its masts and sails had been removed, which only served to further the ship’s dejected, forlorn appearance.

Lieutenant Lee looked on with almost sad eyes and sensed he was about to do the compassionate deed of putting this sick old lady out of her misery.

“Range two leagues.”

Intrepid came in at the perfect angle, approaching the other ship from her port stern quarter. Lieutenant Mattingly, who was now glued to his readouts, continued counting down the range while monitoring the technical updates from the rest of the ship.

“Range, one-point-five leagues.”  

Lieutenant Lee addressed Quartermaster Slater without looking away from the target. “Mr Slater, starboard guns prepare to fire, if you please.”

“Aye, sir,” said the burly quartermaster, turning to face the maindeck. “Starboard guns, prepare to fire.” He passed the order to the gundeck officers, and the command then reverberated along the entire length of the maindeck and down to the gundeck in a matter of seconds as the officers in turn relayed the order to their guncrews.

“Range, one league.” Lieutenant Mattingly’s voice took on a slightly tighter pitch. “Speed, point-zero-zero-eight Lps.”

Intrepid’s deceleration had reached its intended 0.008 leagues-per-second: the standard speed at which to engage a target on an initial firing run. The calculations of Lieutenant Mattingly had – as expected – been spot-on and the frigate attained attack speed at precisely the right distance from her target.

“Range, half a league.”

“Thank you, Lieutenant. Mr Slater, make ready the portside cannon, if you will.”

At this command, the examiner, who up until now had been an all-but-invisible presence on the quarterdeck, glanced at Lieutenant Lee in surprise. Intrepid was approaching the target from its portside, meaning only her starboard cannon would get a chance to let off a shot. She was far too close to switch sides, and tacking around to come back for a second pass was against the rules. So why was he ordering the portside cannon to make ready?

 “Range, one thousand yards.”

 “Very good, Lieutenant.” Horatio was stood stock-still watching his target and keeping a careful eye on his ship’s approach. Then his eyes narrowed. “Helm, bring us round to run level.”

At this distance all those who were topside aboard Intrepid could see the target looming into view. As worthy as she was for the scrapheap, she was still an impressive sight. At least three-times the size of the frigate and with a hull that resembled the walls of a fortress, she cut an imposing figure up close. But, much like a wolf stalking an ox, Intrepid would not be deterred.

“Range, one hundred yards.”

Intrepid had now completed her turn and the two ships were finally parallel to each other. Which meant only one thing.

“Fire, Mr Slater.”

“Starboardside guns… Fire!”

***

Well, above you see the first ever public showing of my work. I’m guessing that if you got this far, it can’t have been that bad. I want to send my novel to Baen Books who accept unsolicited manuscripts, but who also like teasers. So what do you think? The first or second?

Oh, and here’s a cheeky little link, just to leave you with a flavour of what comes next. Awesome stuff…

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2 comments on “To Tease is to Please?

  1. Issy says:

    First One- It draws you in. ‘bloody pliers’ nice one.

    • gpeynon says:

      Thanks. I thought that maybe bloody pliers could be taken as “Bloody pliers!” You know, like when you try to pull out a rusty old nail that then breaks in their grip, but apparently not. Good. Thanks again.

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